The Answer to Life, the Universe, Kottu and Everything...

There has been much debate after the consortium of psychiatrists (who were afraid that they might loose their jobs) conspired to destroy the world after finding out the research on life, the universe and everything will be published in Planet Earth.

As with after any fruitful debate, nothing has changed and we carry on with our ritualistic lives excused by our doctors from saving the Universe on the grounds of chronic infections of malformed public duty and natural deficiency of moral fiber.

But some of the third most intelligent beings on our planet [the second most intelligent beings being dolphins and the first being mice] have moved on to a higher realm to find out the actual question to life, the Universe and everything which supposedly reduces to the value 42.

Some of these beings happen to be very divine, while others appear to be [not quite] cynical, mostly drunk, self-righteously mad, and possibly capable of taking down the world’s economy.

While most people are angry and widely regard the creation of the Universe as a bad move, most of these beings on the other hand dwell on the more subtle things in life like first love or what women want or even the seemingly obvious – what men want….

Sex and violence [not to be confused with sexist violence] is perhaps one of their most entertaining topics. But advice such as ‘why you shouldn’t be flirting or why you shouldn't be dating dark girls’ are passed around in a very polite manner too.

Politics, education, trishaws and monks are also favourite topics of discussion, as well as the civil war and whether or not it has any ethnic roots. While quantum entanglement might produce proof to the above argument it’s unwise to jot it down here or add a link because bad news, or in this case news of treacherous blog posts, travel faster than the speed of light, and retaliate aggressively obeying only physical laws that are pan-dimensional in construction.

In any case, their intentions are quite humble, and no one seems to be that interested in buying a reconditioned MIG-27….

Disclaimer: I’m too tired to write anything original. So this a tribute to the wonderful guys at kottu/achcharu and Douglas Adams for his infinitesome creativity.

Kajuwatta - mass-scale agriculture venture in Sri Lanka

Starting off as a BOI project, the Infomatics Agrotek farm (fondly referred to as the Kajuwatta) in Dehiattakandia is perhaps one of the largest farms in Sri Lanka. Over 500 acres of cashew, 200 acres of coconuts, bananas, papaw, and lemon are grown. One of their specialties is the drought resistant crop of Weta Endaru – used to make bio-diesel. They also make and distribute buffalo curd on a small scale.

Using South Asia’s largest pump house to pump water (above), the farm employs a drip irrigation system (below) to administer just the right amount of fertilizer and water for the crops to acquire an optimal harvest.

The battle between wild elephants and man is prevalent and the farm uses high voltage electric fences (below) to keep the elephants at bay.

The quality of the plants are quite good, as they are grown by tissue culture in laboratories and brought up in a horticulture nursery under a controlled environment. The beauty is that everything is mass produced and the economy of scale brings down the marginal cost of production to an extent that can never be achieved by small farmers.

There were some labour problems when I visited the place sometime back, but then again, going on strikes can be considered a national sport of sorts in our country... With the slow but steady decrease in the power distance and hierarchical culture, this will eventually diminish altogether, but the problem is 'when?'...

The bio-diversity and nature of Kajuwatta is unparallel. I had the pleasure of going on a “night safari” across the farm and was pleasantly treated with the spectacle of several wild animals including a gigantic night owl, a green leopard, and a herd of deer.

Just a simple Car Crash

[Tuesday - 4.30pm - Aththidiya.] The car in front applied brakes, and so did I. We gently came to a halt but a weird intangible feeling passed through me that something dreadfully wrong would happen; a good 3-4 seconds later a screeching noise was heard from the back and a van hit the car from behind. My head hit the windscreen and the glass was fractured. Luckily I wasn’t badly injured, but the same cannot be said for the car.

Only have third party insurance, so had to go to Police. One of the places that I dread the most. Maybe even more so than going to the temple. The van was fully insured and apparently to claim Insurance I have to again file a case in the Civil Court after the police make a case in the Magistrate court. Fuck the Insurance scheme. (Where are the regulators when you need them?) So I decided it would be productive to use the time I’d have to spend in court to search for unobtanium in Sri Lanka’s mineral abundant crust.

The driver (who was not the owner) was partially drunk, was broke, and had no sense of guilt what-so-ever. Looking at the van it was easy to deduce that he was a competent and skilled veteran who’s had countless experiences of these sorts before.

Thanks to the very quick and efficient police service that was rendered, I had ample time to think over WTF was wrong with this guy. Was he really drunk? Was he not concentrating on the road? Was he depressed? Had the inflation rate got to him? Or was he just plain retarded? If it’s the latter, I’m definitely in favour of genetic engineering and avoiding harmful genes. Even if it poses a threat to natural selection and even if it’s not dumb enough to meet “moral and ethical standards”. Anyway, I digress…..

The thing that bugs me the most is that this is not an isolated incident. My dad faced a similar (but less severe) accident when a trishaw hit his car from behind. And that was about two weeks ago.

The roads in Sri Lanka are definitely getting dangerous by the minute. And I advice anyone who reads this to be extra careful while you drive, cos it certainly can turn out to be a matter of life and death.

I love Rice........But

If you happen to bump into a farmer at this time of the year, chances are that you’ll be treated with an undeniable air of hospitality and a smile that extends from ear to ear. The optimistic attitude, the beaming enthusiasm and the deviant congeniality, all which are common to this period, reflect one phrase that is silently uttered; “Yay! It’s harvesting season!!”

Unlike most of us who earn a monthly wage, farmers –especially the ones that depend solely on paddy- get paid only twice a year. The first bounty they receive is cleverly mingled with the festivities of the Sinhala and Tamil New Year in March-April. The second is in October- this time of the year.

Because of this awkward timing, farmers are forced to plan out their annual income and mange their expenditure accordingly with a sense of discipline. Which leads to the farmers being broke most of the year or miserably in debt to mill owners who in turn give them a lesser price for their next harvest which is usually bought by means of passive force.

Throughout the years, a lot of farmers have evolved and have started growing secondary crops such as bananas, corn and even breeding aquarium fish. But most farmers are not capable financially (and emotionally) of going through the learning curve of planting a new crop. And there’s always the fear of not being able to sell a new crop for the first time. Rice of course is a secure crop; if they can’t sell it, they can always eat it. The same cannot be said to Gherkin or Bananas.

And sometimes the reasons are political. There are parties who would benefit if the farmers were to stay as farmers. Addressing farmer issues is pretty easy, give a little fertilizer subsidies and you win the hearts and votes of a whole community; Where as if the farmers were to venture into trade, their needs would be far more complicated and cheap words and short term candy wouldn’t do any good.

In a broader perspective there are many reasons for why paddy cultivation is a tiring venture when dealing with small farmers. The crop itself is a water thirsty daemon. For 1kg of rice, more than 6000 liters of water is needed. The government spends a lot of money directly and indirectly on Irrigation (kind of like free education) which yields a very minute harvest.

When farmers complain that 2¹/₂ acres (10,100 m²) of farmland is not enough to make a living, you have to agree that there is something terribly wrong somewhere.

I’m not suggesting anything in particular. Because frankly, there are a lot of things to be done. The first and foremost would be to create awareness on the fact that migrating from rice to another crop doesn’t necessarily make them a traitor to the nation. And secondly, that engaging in trade or business is not a criterion for Satan to open the gates of hell in their after life.

Ending note: Like industrial development, agriculture also needs to find its niche to flourish. Rice is a bulk crop and is best suited for countries like China that can afford cheap labour. We on the other hand need to diverse the little land and minute labour we have, and make the most of the resources available.

Lifetime Orgasm Count

About two years ago I found this nice concept art done by “nanogirl”- Gina Miller. I was so fascinated by the concept that I even wrote a small article in a local newspaper. It seems that with every step taken towards a nano-world, these concepts might actually turn out to be real.

The idea behind it (for those who are not ardent followers of nanotechnology) is that a few nanobots run around through your body, and collect vital information that reveals pretty much everything about your health and well being- even the number of orgasms you’ve had. The nanobots do their level best to leave a very small footprint and don’t interfere with the mechanisms inside the body to an extent that might be harmful. They don’t play around and administer medication or anything of sorts, they just stick with you and oversee that everything is going according to plan.

IMHO it’s a pretty ethical and nifty application of nano-medicine.

I’m not much of a doctor, so don’t really have the insight to explain the functionality of the thing but check out the video on youtube, it gives a fairly good account.

The thing that excites me the most regarding this and the advancement of nano-medicine is that people in the future will potentially live longer lives.

Death and human ageing is perhaps the most undermined and neglected problems that the human race face. Just because we haven’t found an organism that lives forever, we are quick to dive into the conclusion that immortality or extremely long life is an impossible and perhaps an unhealthy goal. (It’s amazing how the human mind is so relative in its thinking, even when it comes to something this selfish)

The benefits of longer life expectancy would be a larger respect towards life, a larger respect towards the environment we live in, a shift towards long-term development and even frontiers such as space travel.

Blending In.....

Somewhere in the suburbs of Colombo a young chameleon is trying to blend in. Maybe to stay out of harms way, maybe to get away from the cruel world, or maybe out of fear of herself than anything else…..

We are not quite sure yet, but it seems that it’s working quite well for her.

When water turns agaisnt you........

The results of the drinking water tests we did for the village of Sooriyapokuna is not at all good. We did a coliform and faecal coliform test and both tests were positive.The villagers were told not to use the water without boiling, but I doubt whether it'll be taken seriously.

The results for hardness was way beyond the expected level. Usually they say that very hard water has a hardness level of 120ppm. Out of the five samples tested, the average hardness was around 1800ppm!The World Health Organization says that hardness in water is not a health hazard. And the doctors also agree that a little calcium in drinking water might even do some good. (Apparently the kidney stones which occur due to Calcium being deposited in the kidney cannot be related to drinking water)

But with the increase in number of villagers falling ill due to unknown causes, it's hard not believe there's nothing wrong with the water. So we've arranged another water sample to be taken this Sunday, and hopefully further study will shed some light into the real problem.

There was a recent research done in Anuradhapura that concluded drinking water and pesticides were not the reason that the villagers were getting sick; but rather it was the Aluminum pots and pans that were contaminating the food and water.

So if any of you are using metal pots and pans, check to see which material its made of. At least check whether they're made by a well-established brand. Using clay pots rather than metal might also help...

Young Love

Disclaimer: This story happened 13 years ago. Characters are not fictional, but they’re probably quite different today.

Her name was Lily. She was blond, was slightly taller than me and had the most remarkable lips that I’ve ever come across. She was stubborn, creative and energetic. She was not the girl that all the bad guys wanted, but she wasn’t exactly the teacher’s pet either. She always had a sparkle in her light blue eyes that that quaintly reminded me of all the good things in life.

Me, on the other hand; I was the class nerd. I spent most of my time daydreaming about being a great man but never-the-less got beaten up by the class bullies on a daily basis.

Even though I used to pick up flowers and flick the petals to see whether she loves me or loves me not, it wasn’t exactly love at first sight. Rather it was a progression of admiration and fondness that grew in my heart for a steady 12 months.

She was undeniably creative. Once we had a lesson in digital art (back then it was DOS based and we had to enter the coordinates to draw a simple line) and while I was trying hard to draw a complete square, she had drawn a portion of the Australian flag flawlessly.

She played the recorder, and was a great artist and painter too.

But most of all, she was a care free girl, who skipped through life and stood up for what she thought was right. I was profoundly moved when she stood up for me when Jacob was teasing my poor self for not knowing the word ‘plantain’. She broke up into a big fight, which I watched silently but with beaming pride.

We were good friends, and because of that I was too afraid to express my feelings towards her. Even when one of her friends made a suggestion, I refused it bluntly and ended the conversation rather forcefully before she came into hearing proximity.

But somehow, when time forced us to separate, I gathered all my courage and left her a letter. Four months later she replied, but at that time my courage was nowhere to be found.

13 years later, I still wonder what would’ve happened if we were not separated…..

But most of all, I wonder whether I could muster the innocence to love a woman to the same extent today.

Ending note: Love is truly beautiful when combined with innocence. I’m kind of sad that most kids in SL don’t get the chance to experience it. What our benevolent adults fail to comprehend is that education (like life) is a journey, not a destination.